Movie Review: Barracuda (1978)

Barracuda Theatrical Poster

Barracuda Theatrical Poster

I didn’t plan on writing anything today but then I watched this movie. Barracuda was released in 1978 and I had actually never heard of it until a few days ago. I was looking through the recently added movies on Netflix and came across the B-horror movie and had to see it. You see, I love a good, cheesy horror movie. Actually, it doesn’t even have to be that good. I have spent numerous hours watching movies that most people wouldn’t even watch the trailer for. So there I was, remote in hand and ready to watch what I thought was another Jaws rip-off, similar to Piranha. Boy was I ever mistaken.

I actually wished I had never noticed this film to begin with. The word horrible does not begin to describe how bad this film was. And I’m not talking about just the acting or just the story. No, I mean the whole 98 minutes of a mess that was this film. Everything was bad about this film from the beginning.

You might think I should have known this since it was a movie about killer barracuda fish. But hell, I thought it could have had potential as far as killer fish movies go. Piranha was a decent flick. Why couldn’t Barracuda be decent too? Well, let’s look at the story. And I will keep it brief and simple to spare everyone an ounce of the pain I endured watching this flick.

A small seaside town is being terrorized by barracuda killing people that swim in the waters. What will the local police do to stop this problem?

I don’t know. They never fully address that problem. The film quickly moves from killer fish to evil corporations. While the barracudas are shown eating people limb by limb, the movie soon focuses on a chemical plant that is dumping unknown chemicals into the water. This is beginning to affect the people of the town and it is up to the sheriff and a local marine biologist to stop the chemical plant from doing this and help save the people of the town.

*** SPOILER ALERT*** (Not because I want to ruin the film, but because I want to spare you from feeling the need to see it!)

The sheriff and biologist seek to find the truth to what is going on at the chemical plant. Oh, and the sheriff’s daughter is along for the ride but I think only because she wants to get in the biologist’s pants. Anyways, the find the that the town doctor has become involved in this conspiracy and question him. When the decide to go down to the chemical plant to stop this from continuing, they are caught. And then shot as the credits begin to roll. That’s right. The good guys lose. Apparently the poisoning of the water continues. I was left confused. And the sheriff’s daughter never got in the biologist’s pants.

Oh, and in between all that, some horribly fake barracuda kill random people.

This was an absolute stinker of a movie that looked like a nature-gone-wild film that was actually a horribly delivered message about pollution. I think. The only thing that I will remember about this movie is that when the plastic fish ripped people apart, I began to sing the Heart song of the same name. Don’t judge, it is a catchy song.

Anyways, I have went on long enough about this dump of a movie. The film that was used for this movie should be burned. Better yet, make film students watch it to show them what NOT to do to the movie-going public ever again. And if you think I am being too harsh, then go ahead, watch the trailer…

 

Told you. Now, add another 96 minutes to that and you will feel my suffering. This movie gets no rating from me because I do not want to offend the negative numbers. Let’s just say it was horrible. Although it did make me feel better about my idea for a movie. Follow me…

Deep in the waters off the Louisiana coast, something is killing people. While people are gathering for a fishing rodeo, the fish are having a rodeo of their own! Will everyone be able to make it out alive as the fish turn the small town into its own personal feast? You can run but you will never be able to escape from TARPONS!!!

Ok, not really. But it would probably be better than this toilet-feast! Please, take my advice. Stay far away.

 

the D

 

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